Tuesday, April 27, 2010


If there is no god,
and no divine forgiveness,
then how can there be

Guilt shifts,
his judgement to mine,
with no prospect of
pardon or release.

Monday, April 26, 2010

Passive Depressive

Go ahead,
Just ignore me,
And I will turn away.

Show me I am valueless
I'll quietly agree.

You feel nothing
I feel everything;

My worth reels.
Anger rages
at you, at me
with defeated turmoil,
all withheld.

Here, the root of the deathwish
An expression of the magnitude of feeling
this side of my skull.

Why am I powerless?
Introspection grips self-loathing;
an answer that stokes the fire -
dank heaviness of head
falling with hurt
and seeking escape.

Escape in sleep
escape in oblivion
rest, peace from the hurt and judgement within.

The more you matter to me
the more I will push you away
and the more I will want you
to stay
and ask me what's wrong.

A child in me seeks comfort in kind words
and a demon threatens it
with hate and disgust in its eyes.

So turn away
and I will crumple
rag-doll towards the abyss.

Monday, April 19, 2010

All connects: A renarration

All connects
From rationality to sentiment
Work to play
Love to introspection
God to my own will.

A little self-expression
of my feelings on faith;
A drop of clarity,
cooling balm to my academia.

Reading insights of those
whose boldness has brought them to the hill
long before me:
The familiar spirit
but an enormity of strength,
a fearlessness
my soul shivers at the thought
of reaching for it.

If, as I've wondered, to re-narrate your story
you first must believe it, or believe in it,
then here is a kind of me
but with boldness
that I can believe in
that I can be.

I have felt disconnected
a bad fit for the world I see
creativity where perseverence is wanted
ideas where doggedness is valued
rebellion where sticking to the path is key.

Maybe it was just the wrong path,
maybe there is a path where I am not wrong
where the steps fit my stride
and obstacles are met with confidence
not timidity.

So all connects,
and renarration means revised belief.
Here, perhaps, lies
the death of another me
and the power of the role model.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Elite thinking

By hook and by crook
we'll have 'em

By trick, by advice
by convincing, overruling,

Until the Damas scene.

Because we know
we are right,
we know

So the seeping elite,
the knowing and surety
the willingness to push beyond
past their rebellion
is this, strictly,

No but I'm right,
right I am
on my quest.

Friday, April 9, 2010


Just caught up on xkcd, particularly liked this one:


(Wouldn't a Sisyphean version be worse?)

It triggered a thought - how about a version of tetris with
non-regular blocks, which would reach some kind of critical mass when
enough were placed close together? Each time critical mass was
reached, it could explode in the box, with larger explosions leaving
less stuff at the bottom. Maybe some radioactive blocks and some
absorber blocks, with all the physics being simulated for critical

Later levels could have less random combinations of absorber and
emitter, or more concave shapes which are harder to fit together, etc.

I think it's doable in javascript... It would involve
graphics programming, polygon collision-detection, physics simulation
(both for the critical mass stuff and the resulting kinetics) and user
interaction for the controls.